I’m dying. I see it in the helpless look of my doctor’s eyes. I hear it in the concerned voices of friends and family. Some are calling and visiting more often now, some are staying away. Cards are propped up all over my room. “Get well soon,” they say. I know that will be, but not before I die. I feel the chill of death in my bones and smell it on my breath. Thoughts of death cloud my mind, especially in the dark hours of the night. Sleep is shallow and restless, yet I seem to crave sleep more and more. I am weary and my body aches. My appetite is gone. Each day seems to bring new losses, greater weakness.
Have mercy on me, O Lord. I fear your judgments, for they are just and true. “The wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23), and my death is just and well deserved. I am a sinner, from the moment You breathed life into me until the day of my death; I am a child of Adam, doomed to die. My sin is always before me, now more than ever, as I lie on my bed and ponder my life. O Father, how I have sinned against You and those around me! I am ashamed even to admit it. I sometimes try to minimize it to others and say, “I’ve lived a good life,” but I know the truth. Every day of my life has been soiled with sin. I am afraid of dying. I fear the unknown; I fear losing hold on my life.
And yet, by Your grace, I am unafraid. Your psalmist says, “Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His [children]” (Psalm 116:15), and the Holy Spirit cries out from heaven, “Blessed are [those] who die in the Lord” (Revelation 14:13). I cling to these words. Your Son Jesus, my Lord, became man to take up my sins and my sinfulness in His own sinless humanity and to bury it all in His perfect death. He embraced me on His cross, and in Him I already am judged and crucified. Grant me to trust this with all my heart!
I dare not plead my good works before You, for they are hopelessly tarnished with sin. I do not plead my piety, nor even the depth of knowledge you have given me from the Holy Scriptures. I plead only the blood of Jesus Christ, Your Lamb who took away the sin of the world. I stand before You clothed only with His righteousness, innocence, and blessedness. He is my Rock, on Him I rest. He is my Redeemer, in Him I am hidden in safety.
I thank You, gracious Lord, for my Baptism. With Your hand and in Your name, you buried me in the death of Your Son. You raised me in His resurrection. You seated me in Him at Your right hand in glory. You made me Your beloved child and opened heaven to me, washing away all my sin. You gave me Your own testimony, that I can face my death with a clear conscience, through the merits of Jesus, my Savior. And You did all this, long before I knew even to ask for it. By grace I am saved!
I thank You for the gift of Absolution, those precious words calling out to me, forgiving me, reminding me, urging me to trust Your promises. I thank You for faithful pastors who preached the Word of forgiveness to me. I thank You for the company of the saints, my fellow pilgrims in your holy Church—for their encouragements, their prayers, their works of mercy, their examples of faithfulness.
I thank You for the body and the blood of Your Son, Jesus Christ, my Lord. I go to His holy Supper as though I were going to my own death, so that I might go to my death as though going to His holy Supper. Surely, my cup overflows with mercy, and I can depart in peace, according to Your Word.
O Father in heaven, let Your name be hallowed in my death. Grant me to honor You in my dying breath, not that I may earn Your favor, but that those around me, whom I love and for whom Your Son has died, might also fear and trust in You.
Let Your kingdom come, that I may see You face-to-face, and live eternally under the reign of Jesus Christ, my Lord who died for me.
Let Your good and gracious will be done with me. Hinder and put to death the will of the devil, who would plague me with doubt and disbelief, the world, which would lead me to despair, and my own sinful flesh, which would drive me into myself and away from You.
Comfort those around me: my family, friends, neighbors, doctors, nurses, and all who care for me, my co-workers, my congregation and pastors. Bless them all with Your strength in this time of trial.
Remind them that You are the God of the living, whose Son conquered death by His dying and rising. Set the joy of Easter and the open, empty tomb of Jesus before their eyes, and wipe away every tear of grief. Encourage them with the knowledge that those who die in the Lord are not lost, nor are they far away, but they are as near as the Lord Jesus Christ, in whom live all the saints, joined together as one body, as we will see with our own eyes on the day of resurrection. Amen.
